


We Have to Stop Cleaning the Slate with Anti-Freeze

by BarracudaHeart



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Broken Friendships, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Manipulation, Emotional Roller Coaster, F/M, Forgiveness, Gift Fic, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Past Character Death, Relationship(s), Romantic Friendship, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Therapy, Unofficial Sequel, Workplace Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-17
Updated: 2015-12-17
Packaged: 2018-05-07 06:09:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 21,716
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5446055
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BarracudaHeart/pseuds/BarracudaHeart
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I am writing to announce my resignation from The Big Donut, effective two weeks from this date. This was not an easy decision to make, but I have decided for health reasons that I should no longer continue. Thank you for the opportunities for growth that you have provided me, and I wish you all the best."</p>
            </blockquote>





	We Have to Stop Cleaning the Slate with Anti-Freeze

**Author's Note:**

  * For [CoreyWW](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CoreyWW/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Closing Alone](https://archiveofourown.org/works/5357102) by [CoreyWW](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CoreyWW/pseuds/CoreyWW). 



> Hi folks! This is a story I've been working on for the last week and a half, as a gift to the wonderful CoreyWW, who wrote me a gift fic called 'Closing Alone'. This story was written as a sequel to it, so I highly recommend, for context, that you read his story first!
> 
> And because that story is a very (ahem) harsh story to read, a lot of the tone of this story, and the characterizations are a little bit more bitter and 'angry' than in my usual writing, but there definitely are a few kinder moments. Don't worry.
> 
> This story is going to have a lot of ups and downs, but that's what I enjoy most about these two characters and their chemistry.
> 
> And because this story is about 22K+ words, there are probably typos or some less than polished sentences that I will go back on and fix.
> 
> Thanks again to CoreyWW for his blessing to write this, and I really hope it is a good sequel to his work! (Fingers crossed, since most of this was written during late night!)

_0 new messages_

Lars felt a strange mix of anxiety and relief as he stared at his phone, pocketing it again as he stomped to work, muscles feeling stiff. Part of him was still wanting a call, a message, any kind of sign that Sadie was there, but then again, if the phone chimed with the custom tone he picked for her number, he would probably have dry heaved in terror, expecting her to tell him she was going to have him fired, and would never want him in her sight ever again.

The damp misty weather in the early morning made his regular walk to work feel slower than ever, the rain predicted to be continuing all throughout the week. He was getting an annoying amount of moisture on his cheeks, and in his hair. He saw drops of water glistening as they fell past a streetlight which glowed almost too brightly against the still-inky black sky.

The doughnut shop wasn't supposed to open to the public until seven, and it was five o clock in the morning. Lars wouldn't have to set up the store until six, when Sadie got there.

_You really fucked up this time. You know that right?,_ Lars plotted out the most possible conversation he would have with Sadie once she arrived at work, an emotionally exhausted mess from what happened the other day.

_I know. I fucked up. Really bad. And I'm sorry._

_I don't know why you do this, why you act like this,_ he could almost hear her say, exasperated and on the verge of crying again.

If Lars had truly believed this was all entirely his doing, he would have then told her  _he didn't know, and that it was something he was trying to control, and he needed help_. But it wasn't all entirely his doing, and if Sadie had told him something like that, he would have probably gotten angry and snapped at her, asking her  _why she would try to help him with his problems if she didn't even know what they were?_  And he would hate himself for getting angry, but he would have the right to be angry at her, even if it upset her and made him feel like a complete jackass like he did now.

He didn't know if it was the motivation of guilt or the sudden burst of energy his abnormality ridden brain had granted him with, but within fifteen minutes of opening the front door, the shop was all open, and it would be at least forty minutes until Sadie came by. He checked his phone again, and still seeing no response, decided it would be best to shut it off until Sadie actually showed up.

Lars decided he could perhaps attempt to nap until business started. Before he went in the break room, he set out a glazed doughnut on a glass plate, with a plastic bottle of the strawberry milk he knew she liked, and a small single serve pack of oyster crackers Lars had left behind from his soup lunch a week ago. To show he was sorry. But he had a feeling this wasn't going to make things much better, not until he could prove he wasn't the horrible person she probably thought he was by now.

Going into the break room, he went slack on a chair, resting his head on the table, and shut his eyes, avoiding the horrible knotting pains in his stomach.

When Sadie arrived, she didn't give her usual 'hello', the only thing signifying that she arrived being the chime of the door. No other words were made, and Lars kept his eyes screwed shut, hoping she wouldn't acknowledge him.

She didn't. At least, not until seven, when she blandly told him to get up, and get ready for the breakfast rush. When he got out to the front, he saw how tired she looked, and then looked to see the breakfast he'd set out for her was ignored.

He then quietly asked her if she wanted it, and she said no.

Okay.

Without saying anything to her, Lars tried to hint at the idea that she could take it easy, and he could handle customers that morning until she felt better. She showed no desire to accept that idea, and dealt with all the customers with her usual efficiency, leaving him behind in the dust to stock shelves and whatever it was that she didn't beat him to.

The idea ran through his head to ask her how her date went, with sincerity, but he instantly knew that was a terrible idea, because there was a high chance that she didn't even go on her date at all, and if she did, he probably ruined the whole thing by being so mean, and Ronaldo would probably catch on and try to get revenge for his new  _girlfriend_.

Lars still felt gross about those two being together. But he wasn't going to say that, not with whatever was left of his and Sadie's friendship on the line.

The uncomfortable silence went on for the whole day, almost up until closing, when Lars dared to pipe up,

"I'll close up the shop today. You can go home."

Sadie had made no response or even any acknowledgement of his words, but when it came time to close, she wordlessly grabbed her jacket, and walked out of the store, leaving Lars alone to close up.

Lars had to make sure that she really did leave this time before he let out a frustrated stream of curses and kicked angrily at a chair, hating himself for not knowing what to do, or what she wanted. He was still angry, he was still spiteful, he was still jealous, but he wasn't going to make the mistakes that he did yesterday, not if he could really truly help it.

He did the same thing the following day, and then the day after that, nothing changing whatsoever. Sadie would reject the breakfast he made, and he'd open and close all by himself.

After the fifth day of this, Sadie had grown too accustomed to the silence, and realized it was starting to actually annoy her by now. She knew that Lars knew this wasn't what she wanted from him, even if it was an improvement (in some weird way), but they both knew that he was still too much of a coward to ever upfront ask her what it really was he had to do so this shit would hopefully never happen again.

Honestly, she wasn't even really sure what would have to be done. Chances are, this was going to happen again sooner or later, and the cycle would repeat.

But she was also getting irritated, because she could tell Lars was trying to make a decent effort to show he was sorry, and she hated that she felt guilty about not letting up a little when he was trying so hard to not be, well, Lars.

On the sixth day, she met up with Lars at five in the morning right out front of the shop, having beat him to the door, and waited there patiently.

When he saw her there, he had visibly frozen up, and looked like he was thinking of turning tail and running. But Sadie had called out his name, and he stopped in place.

"Lars," she repeated, "Come on. Get inside."

"Well we don't open for another two hours, so why don't we just come back then and-"

"No," she spoke, voice stern, "Inside."

Lars gave a scornful look, but it quickly melted as he caught himself, and he gripped at his stomach. The gross feeling of loathing and anxiety was going to come back, he could feel it already.

They both sat in the break room, Lars having stuck the side of his thumb in his mouth, chewing diligently at a hangnail, to distract from fidgeting.

"We...had a pretty bad fight last week."

"Yeah," he mumbled, still not taking the digit out of his mouth, as if words would spill out like water if he did.

"Some...pretty hurtful things were said," she said, voice remaining clear, even though she felt a hitch in her throat. She didn't want to name anything in specifics, but she was still listing off all the terrible things Lars had snarled at her then, and how she was still pretty furious about them.

"...yeah," he answered quietly, knowing what she was talking about. He'd said some terrible things. He regretted them. All of them. It probably wouldn't stop him from calling Ronaldo a fat loser in the future, or getting jealous when she hung out with him, but when he was caught doing those horrible things again in the future, he would only hate himself further.

Sadie decided she would be the bigger person once again, and started, "I'm sorry. I guess things got a little out of hand. It's was just a rough week."

Lars waited for her to maybe bring up the things she said that really upset him, like insulting his other friends, but nothing more was said on her part. Maybe she just forgot. He sighed, and immediately began to ramble, mumbling his words against his hand, "I'm sorry that I said all that stuff to you, especially about the uh...video game thing, and was an ass about Ronaldo. I shouldn't have dragged you into my bullshit with him."

"No kidding."

"...If it makes anything better, I don't care if you date him or not, so long as he doesn't rub any of it in my face-", he reiterated, face red, "Not because of you, I just still can't stand his fuckin' face, especially after that freaky night at the lighthouse."  _You know, where he tried to murder me, and you still don't really want to acknowledge that?,_ he held back from saying, deciding it wasn't worth it.

Sadie wasn't 100% accepting of that answer, but she could probably persuade Lars to drop it eventually. She sighed, chewing her own hangnail off, grabbing a napkin to spit it in, "Well, we're not dating anymore, so there's no worry about that."

Lars successfully held back the urge to cheer, and instead felt a sense of guilt, "Shit, that was probably my fault-"

"Actually, no, it wasn't, surprisingly," she glanced at him, "We went on that first date, and had a second date a couple days ago, and in the middle of it, he said he just wanted to be friends...and that he thinks he's probably not into dating at all."

Lars coughed, masking a laugh, "Holy shit, really?"

Sadie glumly looked at the table, "Yeah. Was really great to know that he probably realized it because of me. Just when I thought I was actually getting noticed by a guy."

Lars immediately felt horrible for even thinking of laughing, and tried to cheer her up without being too much of a stupid sap, "Hey, if it makes you feel any better, he probably would have drawn freaky anime art of you."

"That doesn't make me feel better, but thanks anyway," she sighed, "At least he still wants to be friends, so that counts for something. Better I have at least two friends than none at all."

Sucking in his cheeks, Lars tried to lighten the mood, "If you want me to help you find any hot dudes...or chicks, whatever I dunno how you swing," he snorted, "I think I can call myself quite the wing-man."

"Lars, priding yourself on being the valentine monitor in your eighth grade classroom doesn't-"

"Kidding," he assured, "Jamie seems like he'd be a good date try."

"He works at the same place my mom does, that would be awkward and horrible."

_And dating the guy who almost killed me over a middle school fight is peachy?_  "Yeah," he shrugged, "Fair point. I'd say Buck Dewey, for sake of us all hanging out, but I'm certain he's not straight. You into girls? Jenny's a lot of-"

"No," Sadie cut him off. She did not want to even have to think about Jenny Floozy Pizza.

Lars sighed, "Okay, scratch that. Well if you see a good catch, let me know, and I'll try to hook you up."

"I think I can manage," she sighed, getting up, "I'll start getting the front of the shop set up, can you grab all the coffee supplies on the shelf?"

"Yeah," he nodded, feeling relieved they were on frailly casual speaking terms again, but also felt a little bothered that once again, it was like he'd done absolutely everything wrong. He was in enough hot water as it was, he didn't need to confront it now. Just play it cool for the next few weeks, and then he could focus on getting his life straightened out (or an attempt to).

When Sadie was in the front of the store, out of the break room, Lars pulled his pillbox out of his private locker, taking the medications he had been prescribed a few months prior. The small white pill was for anxiety, the blue capsule for depression, taken twice daily, and an orange pill for Borderline that stuck to his throat irritably unless he took it with water. He wasn't exactly sure that they were working, but he wasn't going to tell Sadie that. She didn't even know he was taking them, and if Lars could help it, she wouldn't ever have to know.

If she knew he had more problems, she might try to fix them again, without even asking if they could be fixed, or if they even needed to be. Or without thinking that Lars was already working to fix them. With a peculiar incident that had happened less than two years earlier, he was ready to conclude that Sadie was sometimes not a very good listener, in spite of good intentions.

* * *

_Upon returning from the weekend, Sadie would be greeted with a note from the manager that informed her she would be working with a substitute for that week, as Lars had suddenly called in for what was marked as a family emergency._

_Her coworker of less than a year was a slacker, and often rude to customers on the job, but he did have those moments during the slow days where he was friendly to her, and Sadie couldn't help but be a little worried when she saw the notice of his absence for such a reason. She hoped he was okay._

_She would worry all week until he returned, and had greeted Sadie with a surprising amount of calm._

_"Hey," she chirped, smiling, "I missed you."_

_"Yeah," he rolled his shoulders, "Missed being here too," and he grabbed one of the newspapers for sale, not intending to buy it after reading it (he kept doing this even when Sadie told him it was against store policy)._

_"So...uh...is everything alright? You were gone a while," Sadie prodded._

_Lars was keeping a calm composure as he glanced up from the paper, voice soft and melancholy, "My mom died."_

_Sadie's heart dropped, and she immediately felt sympathy for him, "Oh gosh, I'm so sorry-"_

_"No, hey really, it's fine, I'm fine-", he began, voice still soft._

_"A-are you sure, don't you want to take another day off or-"_

_"Sadie, really. It's fine," he said blankly, looking a little irritable at her insistence that he needed more coddling._

_Sadie let it go for the morning. But all that day, she watched Lars as he continued to work, and she could just feel the sadness wafting off of him. She was good at sensing people's emotions, it was like a sixth sense for her. With all that sadness she could sense, he must have been bottling his feelings up._

_She wondered if he had cried yet. Crying could make people feel better, that much she was certain._

_"Lars, are you sure you're feeling alright?", she asked softly._

_"I'm fine, Sadie," he insisted, tossing away his paper lunch bag, "I took a whole week off even."_

_"I know but...you still seem really sad."_

_"Well, of course I am," he huffed, "She was my mom."_

_"You don't have to be afraid to show you're sad, I mean you really loved her a lot, I bet."_

_"Well, yeah, of course-"_

_"Then you don't have to pretend you don't...", Sadie spoke softly, looking him in the eyes, hoping this would help him open up like he should. He didn't have to play 'Mr. Cool Guy' around her, he could express himself around her, it was perfectly okay!_

_Lars' body seemed to deflate like a sun-exposed balloon, and he chewed on his lip, keeping quiet. Sadie held her breath in anticipation, and tried to pretend that she wasn't watching it intently._

_He shifted uncomfortably in his seat for several seconds before his face crumpled, and he was blinking away silent tears, shuddering as he held back a sob._

_"O-oh god," he choked, and covered his eyes with his hands, taking a breath in through his gritted teeth._

_Sadie gently rubbed his shoulder, "Hey. It's alright. Just let it out okay? I'll be right here, don't worry."_

_For the next several minutes, all he did was hold back sobs, breath tensely, and wipe away at his tears while Sadie gently comforted him through his grief._

_Or at least, what she thought was grief._

_Lars' mother had been sick ever since he was small, and he'd grown accustomed to seeing her in hospital beds, with medications, and doctors visiting. When she wasn't bedridden, he would spend as much time with her as he could, doing the things he know she loved doing with her children. She taught him how to cook simple meals, how to make tea, she read him stories every night, even when he fell asleep in her arms at the hospital. Lars knew, for many years, that he wouldn't have his mother forever, and in this case, he wouldn't have her as long as other kids might have their own. So he'd readied himself for the day he'd lose her, and tried to do everything he knew she liked when it became apparent her time was running out._

_When she finally passed away, Lars had no regrets. The days before, in hospice, he got everything important done, the final goodbyes, and assurances he loved her, everything he'd wanted to do so it would be less painful when she was gone. He missed her, and was grieving as much as everyone else in the family the morning she didn't wake up, but he also felt a sense of peace, knowing she was no longer suffering._

_The family's pastor had talked with him before the funeral, asking him if he was okay, and Lars did admit that he didn't feel like crying. The pastor had assured him that was perfectly acceptable, that everyone had different ways of handling their grief, and Lars was fine handling it as he was._

_When he returned to work a few days later, he thought about his mom a lot, how nice the service was, but that she probably would have hated the flower choices they used for the casket viewing, and she probably would have yelled at his dad for wearing a boring tie, and it cheered him up a little on the inside._

_It was all fine until Sadie started prodding him about it all, and then she kept badgering him about showing that he was sad. Well, wasn't he? This was how he was handling it all, and he was handling it fine._

_And then Sadie had brought up loving his mother. Well, of course he loved her. She raised him in spite of the constant pain she was in, and she always was there to comfort Lars in times of trouble._

_"Then you don't have to pretend you don't," Sadie had said, and the words, as soft as they were in tone, hit him like a jab in the gut._

_He wasn't pretending that he didn't love her. Wasn't he?_

_Well, what did Sadie know anyway, she never knew his family, she never met his mom!_

_Still, the thought of him seeming to have no love for his mother, no grief, the suggestion that he left his mother to die with the internal worry that her son was going to grow up resentful of her, tore him up harder than he expected._

_And then he began to panic, wondering if that is what really happened, and that he was doing something wrong all this time._

_And then he burst into tears._

_'Mama, I'm so sorry, I don't hate you, I love you, I love you, I'm sorry I didn't cry enough, I'm sorry I said I was glad you weren't sick anymore, I didn't mean anything bad by it I promise mama' the thoughts raced through his head as he tried to keep his breathing under control._

_Why did Sadie think that was an okay thing to say? She didn't even know his family!_

_He wanted to shove her off of his shoulders, and tell her to stop trying to comfort him, and yell and tell her he did love his mother, but he was already too winded to even do that._

_He didn't understand why Sadie felt the need to say that. At least, at the time he didn't understand. He would in the years to come, after more instances of Sadie's attempts to help him with his problems._

_That afternoon when they closed up, once Lars had calmed down, Sadie felt a little relieved, glad she was able to help him open up, unaware of the cold stare he had directed at her._

_He was done panicking. He managed to reaffirm his convictions that he cared about his family, and the only thing he was wondering was how Sadie could have said something that was so mean._

* * *

Later in the afternoon, when there wasn't any customers for what seemed like forever, Lars had casually slid his phone over to Sadie to show her a stupid video he'd found on the internet. They both snickered as they watched it, and Sadie recalled one she'd seen earlier, and scrolled for it, and she couldn't help but smile a little when Lars gave a choked laugh, "Oh my god, what even is that thing."

"No idea," she laughed, "It's so weird."

Lars was about to scroll for a video that had reminded him of Sadie earlier, but when the door chimed, he quickly pocketed his phone, and looked up, giving a silly grin as he saw Jenny walking in, "Hey, Jen!", he cheered.

"Hey Lars!," she smiled happily, walking over and tugging a pink mermaid wallet out of her jacket, "Bearclaw please!"

"Sure thing!", Lars grinned, and leaned on the counter, "So what's new?"

"You wouldn't believe it- I mean- I still can't believe it- but Sour Cream somehow managed to convince his dad to let him put his music stuff on his boat, so he's throwing this big boat rave tonight, and he needs help setting up and stuff. Wanna come along?"

"Hey, that sounds really cool!", Lars grinned like an idiot, "I'd-"

"Here's your bearclaw," Sadie answered shortly, staring right at Jenny, and hastily handing her the bag, "Have a good afternoon."

"Thanks!", Jenny smiled, not noticing anything in Sadie's expression that noted she might be irritated, "Well, I'm gonna split, maybe I'll see ya tonight, Lars!"

"Yeah!", he called back, waving a little too enthusiastically, "See ya!"

Sadie sighed, deciding not to say anything. At least Lars didn't jump the counter and bail on her like he'd done in the past. Still, she didn't see why he had to get so jumpy around someone like Buck Dewey, or Jenny. Especially Jenny.

She wasn't actively pursuing a relationship with Lars beyond the friendship they had, and she had no plan to. It was tempting, because he was such an interesting person, it was hard to not find attraction to him, but with all the mixed messages he gave, it just wasn't worth it.

She just wanted to ask him what he really thought of her sometimes. What he was expecting to come out of their relationship. Because she sure as hell didn't know.

_'I slept with you, isn't that what you wanted?'_ , echoed his cracked voice in her head.

_Isn't that what you wanted?_

Isn't it?

* * *

_"Hey, last night was pretty fun, wasn't it?", Lars had grinned to Sadie as they finished opening up the store, and he kicked back in his chair._

_Sadie tried to contain a blush growing on her cheeks, "Yeah, it was," she smiled shyly, and glanced at him a second._

_After seven hours of standing in a miserable line outside the video game store in wait for the release of the new game that Lars had been begging for, she'd arrived at his house, and he had greeted her with hot tea to make up for the cold weather, and a costco-size box of oyster crackers. He was begging for someone to play with, and Sadie figured it wouldn't hurt to stay an hour or two to play a bit._

_After three hours, they were both laughing idiotic messes, and somehow alcohol got into the mix, making them both emotional idiotic messes, and neither of them were that great at holding their liquor, as Sadie would realize around three AM when she woke up, and they were both naked in his bed, Lars still out like a light. After quick examination of the room, and seeing a used condom in the wastebasket, Sadie was relieved that they at least were safe with their activities, evidently._

_She'd taken that time to count the freckles on his shoulders, the dark undergrowth of his bright red hair, his delicate lashes, and his soft lips, which quivered as he breathed soft and slow, deep into slumber. She let her thumb gently run over his hand in a rhythmic pattern, and her heart was leaping excitably as she realized one of his arms was draped over her, and she inched herself closer against his warm body, taking in his scent and the sound of his breathing, and she never felt more in love with anyone in her life._

_When the alarm rang to get ready for work, Sadie had lamented to Lars about her clothes being wrinkled, and he was quick to grab an iron and fix it for her before they left with a bagel to munch on the walk there._

_She held his hand the entire way there, and he made no response to it. She took that silence as shyness, and smiled._

_It was during a lunch rush in the afternoon that she had considered asking Lars if he wanted to maybe see a movie that weekend. On her couch maybe. It would be a fun thing to do, and she wanted a better opportunity to cuddle than when they were sitting side by side and aggressively kicking each other's ass at a video game._

_Just before she could ask, an admittedly attractive girl had walked in to ask for doughnuts, and like clockwork, Lars was already eyeing her excitably, and striking up conversation with her._

_Sadie's smile faded as Lars' lean onto the counter grew more and more exaggerated as he chatted with the girl, and he was quite obviously trying to flirt with her. The girl had giggled when Lars told a stupid joke (the same joke he'd told Sadie last week), and then said he was a 'cutie'._

_And then Lars asked for her number._

_Sadie's hands clenched into fists, and she had quickly excused herself to the break room while Lars continued chatting with the girl._

_It took everything not to let tears well up in her eyes, wondering what exactly she was supposed to take away from this. She thought that with how much Lars had smiled and chatted with her today, and with how close they were in the morning, even helping each other get ready and shower, and how they held hands, that he would understand relationships were an exclusive thing!_

_When the girl had left, and Lars bragged cheerfully about getting 'a hot chick's number', Sadie realized she had deeply misunderstood what constituted a relationship, because intimacy seemed like a pretty big sign that two people were attracted to each other, right? And if Lars was really that attracted to her, he wouldn't have taken that girl's number, would he? Much less asked for it._

_When they closed up, and she meekly greeted Lars goodbye, he once again mused that they both had a really fun night together._

_"We should do that again sometime!", he had chirped cheerfully._

_"Yeah?", she looked up, almost hopefully._

_"Yeah! You totally kick ass at video games!", he grinned._

_Sadie held back a look of disappointment. He wasn't talking about the sex at all. "Thanks," she sighed._

_"Well," he began, rolling his shoulders a bit, "See you tomorrow, Player 2."_

_"Yeah," she smiled, not hinting at her frustration that he couldn't tell her what this all really meant to him, "See you."_

* * *

"So what is it you were so insistent on talking to me about?", Ronaldo made no eye contact with Lars as he tapped away on his phone, reading the latest comments on his blog posts.

Lars gave a low groan, and tucked his fists into his pockets, cursing himself for making this all feel more difficult than it really should. He glanced disdainfully at the other, "Ugh, OK, I need you to do me a favor-"

_Shit, bad way to start this off_ , he instantly decided as Ronaldo raised an eyebrow with lack of impression.

"You're asking me, a so-called 'fat loser', a guy 'who should be on pills', for a favor?", he questioned, and gave a scoff, not saying much else.

Lars sucked in his cheeks. So Sadie really  _did_  tell Ronaldo about all that. Well that was just fucking peachy.

"Well maybe if you didn't try to fuckin' murder me-" Lars began with a growl, then caught himself, not wanting to ruin his 'good streak' after only a week, letting out his breath with a hiss, avoiding eye contact, "OK look, I can't afford to get into another fight with you right now, Fryman. I legit need a favor from you, and it's not a favor for me, it's for Sadie."

"If you're going to ask me to relay an apology to her from you, forget it," Ronaldo glanced at him angrily.

"No, we already talked over that last week, I feel like shit, and it's all eggshells, and I'm literally trying not to lose it," he began then rubbed at his forehead, "I know you're not into girls, but do me a favor and hang out with Sadie more after next week."

"Why after next week?", Ronaldo's expression was more curious than annoyed.

"Look it's just...it's not anyone's business, just forget I said anything-"

"...Are you planning to kill yourself?", Ronaldo suddenly asked incredulously.

"What? No!", Lars quickly spat, cheeks bright red, "I'm not like- Where the hell'd you even get that idea?"

"I don't know! With how much Sadie spends her time worrying about you, and the more than concerning phrasing of 'hanging out with her after next week', I have no idea what you're planning," Ronaldo rolled his eyes, "So if you're not going to kill yourself, what is it that you're doing?"

Lars gave a low groan, and sank onto the other side of the bench Ronaldo was seated on, rubbing at his forehead, "I'm leaving Beach City."

"What?"

"I was talkin' with my dad a while ago about work stress, and then again after I fucked things up with Sades, and he thinks it's a good idea for me to get out of here a little while. I'm quitting my job at the Big Donut, I've already put in a two week notice to the manager, and I'm leaving. For a while. I don't know how long, maybe a month, maybe longer. I just gotta get out of here."

"Where are you going?", Ronaldo looked at him, having pocketed his phone, and had his arms folded , leaning against the bench.

"My grandparents on my mom's side have a farm in the next state over, they said I could stay a while if I helped out 're gettin' really old anyway, so it's probably a good thing I'd be comin' to help 'em-"

"And you're doing this because of Sadie?", Ronaldo dared to ask.

"No-" Lars began harshly, but then his tone softened as he sputtered, "Well...It's...it's everything. I'm going to explode if I stay in this place too long. Heck knows I've tried to make things easier for myself here, and look how that fuckin' turned out," he snorted.

Ronaldo was quiet a moment, then he spoke up, "You know you can't just run away from your problems, Lars-"

"I'm  _not_  running away from my problems, I'm trying to  _solve_  them for chrissakes!", he snapped at Ronaldo, "Did you even hear a word I said?"

"Of course I did!", Ronaldo frowned.

"Then why can't you get that I need to get out of here?", Lars groaned, "God...fucking...shit," he hissed, "You're just as bad as Sadie!"

"Excuse me?", Ronaldo looked perturbed.

"You don't fucking listen to people. I mean like, you don't really fucking  _listen_! If I tell you I'm dealing with my problems, then I'm dealing with them! It's not your business to stick your nose in 'em!"

"Sadie just wants to help you, you dummy!", Ronaldo rolled his eyes.

"You don't think I know that?", Lars huffed, "She's  _always_  trying to help me! But she doesn't ever think to fucking ask what it is I need help with! She just- she tries to make my problems into things that she should have to handle, and I don't want her to do that, because she usually doesn't even know how to do it right! And then if I do tell her what might actually help me, she acts like she doesn't think I know what I'm talking about! I mean, I know myself better than anybody, and I know I'm a goddamn fucked up  _mess_!"

When Ronaldo didn't answer right away, Lars continued with a groan, already on a roll, "I've known Sadie way longer than you have, man, and let me tell you, sometimes talking to her is like talking to a wall. A really fucking  _nice_  wall, but it's still a wall! And it's not gonna actually listen to you when you tell it you know what you need to do! I mean, like if I told her I didn't like pineapple, she'd go right ahead and guess it's because I never tried it, and then order half a pizza with pineapple on it to convince me to eat it, and then she'll just get all mopey if I straight up tell her I hate how pineapple feels on my tongue, like I personally offended her or something, and then try and act like that it's all my fault for not thinking of telling her exactly that, like she couldn't just accept that maybe I don't  _want_  pineapple, I don't  _like_  pineapple, and the only thing I can handle of pineapple is if it's a juice or a frozen ice cream bar, or a  _stupid fucking cartoon house_  and-"

"Lars," Ronaldo coughed, "I'm getting lost here. Back to your point?"

Lars swallowed the spit that had collected in his mouth during his rant, and breathed, "Long story short, Sadie is so gung-ho about having me do things her way, she doesn't actually listen or think about why I might or might not feel or do some things, and then gets all mad when it doesn't work out how she wanted. I dunno, sometimes, it probably really is my fault, but it all still just pisses me off."

After a moment, Lars then decided to add another example, to better express the impact of the problem, "You remember when my mom got sick, right?", and felt a little relief to see Ronaldo's alienated gaze turn slightly more sympathetic, "Well, up until she died, there was a lot of stuff she went through, so when she was gone, it was sort of a relief on my family knowing she didn't have to deal with it anymore...and we all had the chance to say goodbye and stuff...well when I got back to work and I told Sadie what happened, she thought that it was bad that I wasn't crying or anything, even when I said I was fine,and thought it was because I was trying to pretend I didn't love my mom. And she  _straight up told me that_. And it really fucking hurt. Like...she didn't mean it that way, I know it now, but it  _really_  fucking hurt, and if she had listened to me, she might not have said that..."

Ronaldo remained quiet for several seconds, then spoke up, "So...what is it exactly you're wanting to do when you leave?"

Lars breathed in a sigh, rubbing his hands over his face, "I just...I want to stop feeling like a shit person all the time.  _Being_  a shit person all the time. And this whole city just makes me feel like I'm a gross waste of space, what with everyone being able to be chill about everything, and I can't even talk to people without wanting to stab myself with a pencil and curl up and die. I've lived here my whole life, and I still can't get any more used to it. I just need to get out of this place, and some place where I can take a bit to chill, and figure myself out and stuff. Maybe see if I can get myself functioning like normal people, and see if those stupid meds kick in and whatever. And when I'm gone, Sadie can use that as the opportunity to, well, I don't know,  _make better friends than me, so she doesn't feel like shit so much_ , and find people who are into all the same shit she is, that she can go nuts over without me being a jackass and sitting in on it to make fun of it," he sighed, then grimaced, "Still no idea how she's able to handle your weirdness. But she likes it, I guess. So yeah. I dunno. Treat her better than I did earlier."

After a pregnant pause, Ronaldo quietly concluded, "Well...I wish you the best."

"Thanks," Lars mumbled, picking at his lower lip, then got up, "By the way, has Sadie ever brought up the whole movie night thing? Y'know, where you tried to kill me? She's never told you like,  _'Hey that was wrong? You should totally say you're sorry to Lars for that?'_ "

Ronaldo sucked in his cheeks, not appreciating it being brought up again, "No."

"Not even once?"

"No."

Lars smiled broadly, eyes going cold with momentary fury, "I see."

* * *

_I am writing to announce my resignation from The Big Donut, effective two weeks from this date._

_This was not an easy decision to make, but I have decided for health reasons that I should no longer continue._

_Thank you for the opportunities for growth that you have provided me, and I wish you all the best._

_Sincerely,_

_Lars Cheng_

Sadie pinched the corner of the letter between her thumb and forefinger, and left a sharp dent in the paper. For over a year, she'd been in charge of sorting the mail in the managers' office so it was all organized for when he came in at the end of the month to pick it up. When she saw the envelope with Lars' name on it, she couldn't help but be a little more than curious, especially since Lars  _never_  had anything for the manager to see. And just her luck, the envelope wasn't even sealed.

She knew better than to spy into mail...but the curiosity was too great. But as soon as she read the first line, she regretted even picking it up.

Lars was quitting work, and he'd evidently decided upon it within days after their fight.

Stuffing the letter back in the envelope, she slapped it back on top of the pile of organized mail, and stamped back out to the front of the store, waiting for Lars to come in to work, for what was, according to the date the letter was addressed, his second to last day.

Lars strolled into work, wearing his earphones, and slid them off around his shoulders as he headed into the break room with a low 'mornin' Sade', as he put away his music, and his lunch. When he came back out, he leaned back on his stool, "Is the AC still working?"

"No idea," she mumbled, letting her emotions stew. She wanted to be worried about Lars, but this time she couldn't help but feel this was all out of spite towards her. That he would think it would be a funny sight to see the look on her face when a replacement employee was there in his place on Monday morning. To get back at her for their fight, to make her feel like she was a horrible person for making him not want to work there anymore, when all she did was tell him the brutal truth, and he just  _had_  to get pissy over her dating his ex-friend. And then he had to make everything worse like he always did.

"How've you been feeling?", she decided to ask him casually.

Lars paused, "I've been feeling OK, I guess."

"Nothing out of the ordinary?"

"Nah," he shrugged, glancing at her, "What about you?"

"Well, I'm well enough to come to work, that's for sure," she shrugged.

Lars gave a bit of a puzzled look, and went back to typing on his phone.

"So uh," Sadie cleared her throat, deciding a calm, diplomatic approach to this might work out better, "The manager called me this morning," she lied.

Lars looked at her again, "...oh...yeah?"

"And uh, he said there's a new guy coming in on Monday...uh...during  _our_  shift. Did you know about that?"

Swallowing hard, feeling his stomach churning as he realized he'd have to explain this to Sadie, Lars nodded, "Uh...yeah..."

"You know what's going on, or anything?", Sadie looked him right in the eyes, desperately hoping to seek truth in them.

"Uh...", Lars began, and his throat dried up, prompting him to swallow, and he sat up, running a hand through his hair, "I'm...leaving."

"Oh...for how long? A week or two?", Sadie asked, trying to sound hopeful.

"Uh...", Lars began and sighed, "No. Like...quitting. I sent in a notice to the manager a while ago," he sighed, "I've got some stuff I need to deal with, and I don't think this place is any good for me."

Sadie frowned, "What, is this about our fight-?"

"No, no," he began quickly, "I mean, all of Beach City. I can't handle myself in this city anymore. I've gotta go away for a coupla months or so."

"Where?"

"In the next state over, to my grandparents' farm. It's out in the country, so I guess it will be nice to get away from city life for a while y'know?"

"...You can't just escape your problems, Lars," Sadie sighed, "It's not healthy."

"I'm  _not_  though," he frowned, running a hand through his hair again, "I'm trying to solve 'em-"

"And how is moving away from Beach City going to help that? Why didn't you tell me you were going to leave?"

"Look, I just-", he sighed, trying to, for once, think over his words to halt what was probably going to turn into a fight, "I didn't want you to get involved-"

"But you think it's OK for you to get all angry about my dates?", Sadie suddenly blurted, and covered her hand with her mouth, realizing she was getting way too rash.

Lars frowned, "Well there's a pretty big difference between you dating Ronaldo, and my mental health."

"And why shouldn't I know about that?"

"Because it's me! My body!", he groaned.

"And my body dating another body isn't?"

"Look, can we just drop it, Sades? I just didn't want you feeling lousy when I turned in the two week notice," he grumbled a little too irritably, which made Sadie's frown deepen.

"Well, why would I have felt lousy about you leaving? Out of  _guilt?_  Is  _that_  why you didn't tell me? So you wouldn't have to deal with me feeling worse about you?"

"No, because we're friends! I thought you'd miss me", he looked at her, "And I really just didn't want you to try and make me change my mind over it!"

"Well, is your mind set?", she crossed her arms, voice a little high strung, "Are you really leaving?"

"Yes!", he huffed, "Monday morning."

Sadie sighed, "...that's too bad. I could have maybe gone around to see if I could make things better and-"

Lars groaned, "Sadie, no! This isn't something you're meant to fix, not even by going around all of the tri-state area to look for help! I didn't want you involved, because then you would have worked yourself DEAD to try and handle things! I don't want you worrying about me, alright? I swear to god I know what I'm doin' here."

"Fine," Sadie sighed, then mumbled with a small smile, "Sorry. Guess I got a little carried away there."

"Yeah. Maybe," Lars mumbled.

"How much stuff are you taking away with you?"

"Most of my room. The pets are staying home with my dad, and I'm gonna see if I can fit at least  _some_  art stuff in my suitcase, because I don't wanna have to ship it over."

"When will you be coming back?", she then asked.

"Don't know. Maybe in two months. Maybe less. Maybe more," he sighed, "S'all gonna matter on how I feel about things."

"Mm," Sadie mumbled, stomach churning, "Maybe...you should take the rest of the day off, and tomorrow too. You probably want to get some packing done, and spend time with your dad or your  _other friends_  before you go. We can say goodbye and stuff later."

"Huh...um...ok," Lars nodded, "Makes sense...yeah...", then pulled off his uniform shirt, folding it, and putting it under the counter, "It was...pretty cool working with you, Sadie."

"Yeah," she spoke, voice quiet as she stared at the shirt under the counter, not moving from her seat.

Lars, left in his white long sleeve top, stood up, and pointed a thumb to the break room, "I'm just gonna clear out my locker now, and probably head out the back way. If I don't see you before Monday, well uh...I'll miss you, and see about texting and stuff..."

"Yeah," she repeated, voice the same weak quaver as before, seeing Lars head for the back room out of the corner of her eye.

He was doing this all because of her, she knew it. He couldn't handle the fact that he was confronted over being so shitty to her, that he was leaving, where he could go hide away and pretend he had never done anything wrong. And he did this all with the hope that she would blame herself when he didn't come back.

She held back the urge not to cry, feeling that familiar ache in her chest.

_'Good riddance, Lars, don't ruin another place like you did Beach City with your misery.'_

Sadie was  _pretty sure_  she was able to keep such an angry horrible thought to herself, but fate decided it would be fine if she would say it aloud, and she would immediately sense her co-worker's gaze on her as he had stepped back out of the doorway from the back room, duffel bag in his hand, face blank, and stare cold.

This was quickly starting to mirror what happened weeks before, and was clearly going to stay down that route.

"I-...", she began, and her voice died away.

Lars didn't ask for Sadie to repeat what she had said, he'd heard it clearly enough. His hands shook as they grasped the strap of his bag, and his face twisted into a glare as he ripped open the bag, and stomped over to the other side of the counter so he was right across from Sadie, and slammed the plastic pillbox he owned onto the counter top with enough force for some of the lids to fly open and send the little capsules rocketing into the air.

"Is  _this_  what you want Sadie? You want me to be a fucking happy  _joy_  to be around like everyone else in this town? You want me to be able to do whatever the hell it is you do so that less people hate me? Because let me tell you, I'm trying that, and I'm trying hard! I've been trying  _forever_ , and you still think I'm some heartless monster who's just out to make you feel like garbage!", he shouted, "I've been on these goddamn pills for every ailment under the sun they've marked me down for, and I'm still a mess! You want me to go to a doctor? Shovel in extra money for that, so they can put me on a couch? Have me  _committed_? Is  _that_  what you want? Because you sure  _love_  to bitch about how I don't know what you want, and you never seem to wanna ever tell me! So go on, Sadie! Tell me what it is you want! I'll do it! I'll do whatever it fucking is I have to so you'll feel better!"

Sadie was stunned at the sudden outburst Lars was having, and was shaking, trying not to cry out of frustration, "Don't. You. Yell at me," she growled furiously, and looked at the now-damaged pillbox, "I didn't  _know_  you were on these, because you didn't  _tell_  me," her voice shook, and she shakily tried to reach for a few capsules that had landed on the counter.

"I want you...to be  _honest_  with me," she mumbled, placing one of the pills back in an open slot, "And tell me about your problems...truthfully...then maybe I could  _trust_  you more-"

Lars' hand slapped down on the counter over the loose pills she was reaching to pick up, and he glared at her, "You wanna talk about trust? How can I trust  _you_  with anything I tell you?"

She glared right back, "At least I don't back stab my friends when I want someth-"

"Oh yeah? How can I trust you with anything I say when you won't even listen to me when I tell you how I feel?", he snapped, staring her right in the face, and jumbled up his point by deciding to add one more remark, his temper spitfire and quick, "You're no saint, you're just as bad as me."

" _Excuse_  me?", she stood up from her stool, getting right in his face. Whatever thoughts she had been mulling over from his previous statements went right out the window with that comment, "Just as bad as  _you_?"

He stood his ground, "You called one of my best friends, one of the sweetest girls in the city, a floozy because  _I_  was spending time with her! Is every girl I spend time with other than you automatically a floozy? Am I not _allowed_  to talk to girls except for you? While you're thinking over  _that_ , Sadie, let's recap all the  _wonderful_  reasons I should 'trust' you: You kept me on an  _island_  for over a week without  _any_  way for me to call home, made my dad worry sick over me, and you treated it like it was all  _my_  fault because you just wanted to 'help' me. And all you can say is that it was a  _mistake_? My ex-best friend literally tried to kill me, called me emotionally disturbed, worthless, and said I should have died in front of Steven, I had nightmares for weeks from that whole thing, and you want to pass it off as 'nobody thinking straight'? You don't even tell that fucker to apologize to me, or even acknowledge that I could have fucking  _died_  and nobody besides you, Steven, or my dad would have cared? Did you even think about how  _I_  feel about what happened? Or am I just too  _mean_  to have anything I feel validated especially since you can just blame the whole thing on me-"

"Lars, this has nothing to-" Sadie began, clenching her fists.

"Wait! I haven't even gotten to the best part! The real  _kicker_!", he snarled, blinking away hot tears, "I had to deal with  _years_  of watching my mom suffer through treatments, spend every other weekend at a hospital, and then decide she didn't want to go through it anymore and let herself die, and I deal with my grief in a way that you don't think is easy enough for you to jump in and fix me for, so you go and tell me I was pretending not to love my mom? Because I didn't cry? Well good job, you made me cry then with that, and I'm crying now, y'see? Aren't you  _happy_  to see me crying? How fucked up do you have to be to tell someone that if they don't cry, then they're not really sad? How far up your ass did you stick your head, huh?"

"Lars!", Sadie broke out a frustrated sob, "I didn't mean it like that, and you know I didn't!"

"Do I?", he challenged.

"Why do you have to be so stubborn all the time?", she cried, hands covering her face, "Why can't you just admit that you need help and let me in-"

"God DAMN it," he roared, whirling around on his heel and slapping the counter again, "You aren't listening to me! You  _never_  listen to me! I try to be honest with you, and then you go and decide that it's not what you wanted to hear so you try to turn it around into what  _you_  want! You're so sure you know everything about me that you can't just admit that you're  _WRONG!_ "

"I just want to-", she began, voice cracking, and her tone pleading as tears ran down her face, "Lars, just let me help you-"

" _Help, help_ ,  _help_! Is that all you can say?", he snapped, "You don't want to help me, because if you did, you'd be listening to me when I say that's not what I need! I know what I need, and it's not what you want," he sucked in a deep breath, voice hoarse, "You don't want to help me. You want to  _fix_  me. And guess what. YOU CAN'T FIX ME," he pointed at himself, "I was  _born_  broken. It's my birthright. No amount of pills, or doctors, or  _you_  is going to change that!"

Sadie shook with fury and frustration as Lars stared her down with equally teary eyes, his rage toxic and bitter as ever, but his words brute and honest, "I'm  _sorry_  that you feel bad about yourself. And I'm  _sorry_  if  _I_  make you feel bad about yourself. But you invest too much of your life into trying to do the  _impossible_  with me, and thinking you're doing me a favor by making me your pet project, or being my  _savior_  that you don't want to ever think about how you've hurt me! You think that everything you do for me is for the greater good or some shit, and when it doesn't work, it's suddenly all  _my fault_?"

Out of rage, Sadie quickly raised a hand to strike him across the head, and he immediately snapped, "Go ahead! Hit me! See if that fixes me!"

Sadie's hand froze in place, and still glaring furiously, she lowered it down.

"Just. Tell me... _tell_  me what you want," she breathed, tears running down her face, and her gaze still angry.

Lars stared at her, and let out a breath between his teeth, hissing like steam, "I told you everything. I just wanted you to  _listen_  to me."

Sadie glared at him, still making no move to speak, her hands trembling as they gripped the counter.

Wordlessly, Lars grabbed his pill box, jamming it back into his bag, and storming out, leaving Sadie behind to deal with the storm he'd unleashed. He only looked back once he'd made it to the end of the street, and he saw the silhouette of the building.

It was a strange feeling: the combination of guilt, self-hatred, and relief all at once.

Sadie closed shop up early that day.

* * *

She let her anger simmer all that day and night, and long into the next day, until it was close to boiling over. She wished she could be like Lars, and just let it all out in one burst of rage, yelling, and mania, but she could never bring herself to it, at least, she wasn't used to it.

She was angry at Lars, and she had right to be. It didn't matter how upset he was with her, or what she might have said by mistake. He was  _not_  going to talk to her like that, and expect to get his point across.

She knew he had a wicked temper, but it was a short lived one, igniting and disappearing out of thin air as soon as it exploded. He would yell, and then immediately regret it. She was a little surprised he hadn't called or texted her with a frantic apology or anything, like he always did when he snapped at her. It was tiresome, she just wished he could learn to manage his temper a little more like  _she_  could. It just wasn't worth it getting angry over small things during the day.

Thinking back to that specific, horrible, and unusually long outburst, Sadie knew she shouldn't have said what she did out loud when he had his back turned, because she knew that would upset Lars. Especially something that sounded so cruel... But that didn't make the thought behind it any less true. Maybe Beach City was going to be better off without him, and she would eventually learn not to worry about him while he was probably grumbling and griping on a farm. Or maybe he'd end up getting lonely after a week and realize he needed her, and that it was okay to accept help from friends-

She stood by her convictions, he desperately needed help, especially if those pills he was taking weren't working.

_Do I want him to stay in Beach City, or do I want him to leave?_ , she kept jumping between contradicting mindsets, rationalizing for each one, and ultimately tiring herself out with the confusion.

She lay on her bed in the early evening of Sunday, staring at her ceiling. She wanted to be alone, and try and sort out this whole mess in her head. Part of her knew for sure that it wasn't alright for Lars to tear into her like that, especially when he knew she wouldn't be able to get a word in edgewise, or give a logical answer to all his irrational yelling. She still wasn't exactly thinking over what he really had accused her of. He just wasn't thinking straight, and he just needed someone to take it all out on, she supposed.

But then part of her knew, and very certainly, that she had hurt him with what she said, and she would feel bad about it unless she got it off her chest and explained to Lars that wasn't what she meant to say, and that she had just been frustrated that he never told her he was leaving.

The sound of her mother's footsteps down the stairs made her perk up, and she looked over to the door, seeing it open.

Barb pointed her thumb towards the stairs, "Got pork chops on the table when you want 'em."

"Oh, thanks mom," Sadie sighed, going back to laying on the bed.

"...So he still hasn't called ya and told ya when he's leaving, huh?", Barb leaned against the doorway, noting how glum her daughter was.

"Yeah," Sadie sighed. She'd told her mom about Lars quitting, and his plans to move, but she left out that he was leaving in the morning, and she most certainly left out their fighting. She didn't want to risk her mom, even with her attempts to let Sadie handle things her way, getting involved and feel the need to scuff up the boy who broke her sweet baby's heart.

"I guess...", Sadie began, staring at her ceiling, "I just am a little annoyed he didn't tell me he was gonna leave. Or why."

"What a flake he is, what not telling his lady friend that he's skippin' town," Barb teased lightly, wanting to cheer her daughter up, then sighed, "Guess some people just get antsy staying in the same place too long, y'know?"

"Mm," Sadie mumbled. With how nervous Lars had been about being away from home on their island trip, she wasn't sure that was the case at all.

"-Then once they leave, and find a new place, it's not long before they start missin' home," her mother shrugged, "Happens all the time around here. I mean, that kid at work, Jamie, he went right out to Kansas, wantin' to be a big name star, and then boom, months later, he's beggin' for his mail job back. It didn't take him long to come back here," she chuckled wistfully.

Sadie glanced at her mother again, giving a tiny smile, "Thanks."

"Anytime, kiddo," Barb smiled, turning back for the stairs, "Come up to eat before it gets cold."

After dinner, and after mulling over her mother's words, Sadie did feel a little better. Lars didn't have the same strong will as Jamie, or the ambition to stay on a farm with no friends (he'd get so lonely!) and he would probably be back in Beach City before long. He just needed to stretch his legs, and then realize  _this_  was his home.

She decided she would be the one to make the call. It was nearly midnight, but she knew Lars was a night owl, and was probably still packing up for the bus.

She felt a little more than relieved when he picked up, and a low surly voice answered, "H'lo."

"Um...hi Lars," she spoke quietly on the line, "Are you...are you busy?"

Lars looked at his overstuffed suitcase, which was about to burst, and sighed, sitting right on top of it to snap it shut for the time being, "No...why?"

"I...wanted to talk about earlier."

"Yeah?", he mumbled, stomach knotting.

"I'm...really sorry about what I said. I...didn't mean to upset you-"

"Well...you did," he mumbled, "A lot."

Sadie was quiet a second, then started, "I just felt really bad that you didn't tell me earlier. If you just didn't show up at work one day, and I found out you quit then, well, I'd be really worried."

"Yeah," Lars mumbled, "Kind of a dick move...sorry...I just didn't want you to worry about me when I told you why I was leaving."

"I know," she mumbled, "But I was gonna worry anyway."

Lars wanted to say something irritably, but he was too damn tired and drained to even let his temper flare, "...sorry...I was just...really upset that you said that to me, and then I guess I brought up a lot of other things that...really really bothered me, y'know?"

Sadie knew he was talking about his rant regarding Jenny, the island, Ronaldo, and his mother, the one that he seemed way too invested in, and sighed, "Look, we all say things we don't mean when we're mad, and we just don't think clearly...it's fine. I'm not mad about that."

Lars' mouth twitched.

"Sadie, I was thinking  _clearer than ever_  when I said that stuff," he answered with a low voice, "Yeah, maybe I shouldn't have yelled, but...well...that stuff you did and said still really made me feel bad."

"You make me feel bad too, y'know," she countered, feeling it was only fair.

Lars' throat tightened. The one time he wasn't trying to pick a fight, or start a pissing contest, and it was already going down that route. He tightened his grip on his phone, and growled, way too fucking tired for this, "Ok, Sadie. You know what? I'll just go ahead and say I was  _wrong_. I was wrong about  _everything_. Nothing that I said yesterday was valid, and I should have appreciated all of what you did for me, even when I asked you not to do it or said it wasn't working. You know better than me about how I really feel, and I should have just let you take over and do what you wanted to to help me be  _more like you,"_ he finished, his tone soft and bitter.

Sadie swallowed hard, "Lars...", she sighed, "I'm sorry you were upset with me yesterday. I just want to help you..."

Frustrated at her inability to listen to him when he was being truthful, Lars responded to her apology the same way she had to his, weeks before, but his tone was one of exhaustion.

" _I don't care._ "

He promptly hung up, and shut off his phone.

Sadie cried all night, and refused to let herself, in such a state, go to the bus depot to see him off.

* * *

Barb, bless her heart, had tried to comfort her daughter in her despair during that first week, thinking the sadness that plagued her was just out of missing her friend, but it didn't amount to much. Sadie would go to work, and return to her room with the door closed, and stay there even during dinner. It was a fairly quiet first week at the Miller household.

Sadie didn't ever check her phone, knowing there was no need to. She wouldn't be receiving any calls.

The replacement at work, Kimmy, was fairly docile, and left Sadie alone most of the time. Had Sadie been in a better mood, she would have been more welcoming of the employee, and tried to establish a good work chemistry. But she wasn't Lars, and Sadie just felt disoriented with everything.

Work went by slowly, and most of the time, Sadie felt herself staring off into space, not able to think about anything. Not much had really changed when Lars left, but it was all still so jarring, that she found herself blinking heavily, wondering if she had slipped into a dream.

One time, she was snapped out of her spacing by a customer who had repeated for the third time that he wanted a can of tea, the dark and bitter kind. The one Sadie's former coworker had insisted on stocking in the coolers in place of the sickeningly sweet cans that were always too big for her to finish.

She smiled, and gave one to him, wishing him a good day.

She hated this.

After a long, void-filled two weeks, Sadie was startled awake from a nap in the break room by the text notification on her phone she had set for Ronaldo, the sudden blaring of a horror movie screech spooking her a little in the quiet of the small room.

_RF: Yo! Are you busy tonight? :o_

_SM: Not rly?_

_RF: C00l! Cuz I just got the complete volume of the Creepitalism movies._

_SM: seriously? *o*_

_RF: We should totally watch them tonight Mst3k style_

Sadie was about to decline, having had plans to lay on her bed and stare at the ceiling until she went blind, but then she realized it had been a while since she had hung with Ronaldo, and he was just as much of a friend to her as Lars was, even if they weren't dating anymore. It didn't seem fair that she would be letting Lars' problems with Ronaldo drive a space between her own friendship with him. Besides, riffing her favorite horror series was too good of an opportunity to pass up.

_SM: YES *u*_

_RF: Awesome see you after work then?_

_SM: I will bring SO MANY SNACKss_

_RF: I HAVE SO MANY SNACKS. WITH OUR SNACK POWERS COMBINED WE WILL BE CAPTAIN SNACKNET_

_SM: CAPTAIN SNACKNET Lmao_

Sadie had to admit, this whole conversation was cheering her up immensely for the time being, and she was glad she knew someone like Ronaldo, who was just as weird and enthusiastic about things that she wished she could be.

Giggling when she put her phone away, she would read the next text later, Ronaldo informing her that he had also invited 'a few friends', and Sadie perked up a little, thinking that she had found her people after all.

After putting an entire box of instant popcorn in the microwave, and carrying all six bags from work to the lighthouse, Sadie had to knock on the door using her foot, and Ronaldo opened the door, taking some of the bags out of her arms, and letting her in.

"Did you really put all six bags in the microwave?", he looked amazed.

"Not all at once," she snorted, tossing the other three over onto the couch, and a pair of hands shot up from the couch and caught them.

Kiki Pizza sat up, "Thank you!", she smiled with a tease to Sadie, and Sadie gave a small twitch of the mouth. She didn't know Ronaldo was friends with Jenny's sister, or really...any other girls.

Still, invested in seeing the movies, Sadie plopped onto the sofa next to the girl, and Kiki politely asked her if she could open the bag of popcorn.

"Sure," Sadie shrugged, and saw how demurely the girl was dressed, like she was going to a beach party or something, "So uh...you a fan of horror movies?"

"Not really," Kiki shrugged, "I can't handle much of the blood and guts. I cover my eyes during a lot of it."

"Ohh," Sadie nodded, "So what brought you to the party then?", she decided to ask, wondering if there was anything...between her and Ronaldo.

Before Kiki could answer, the door to the lighthouse swung open as Sour Cream, one of Lars' other friends began jiving and making noise with his mouth as he came in with a large industrial sized bag of cheese puffs, Buck Dewey behind him with two large bottles of soda, and Jenny Pizza sprinting in cheerfully, and startling Ronaldo with a loud hello.

Kiki pointed her thumb towards her sister, "She did."

"We're back!", Jenny announced, "With snacks!", and hopped over the back of the couch, sitting where Sadie had thought Ronaldo would be, so she was effectively sandwiched between the Pizza twins.

Jenny then reached into the open bag of popcorn that Kiki had just handed Sadie, "Thanks!", she smiled, taking a huge mouthful.

Sadie gave a smile back, and screamed internally. Jenny offered her a Twizzler thirty seconds in the middle of it. She took it with a thank you, and was back to screaming in her head.

Once everyone got seated, Ronaldo opting to unfold a chair for himself, while Buck sat in the armchair, and Sour Cream on the bag of cheese puffs, he pressed the play button, and Sadie quickly gave her attention to the cheesy low-budget-effect laced film series that she adored.

Around the fifteen minute mark, she was quick to look for the special Easter egg. The one that true fans of this movie were aware of; the hermit's leg from Evil Bear 2 as a lamp.

As soon as she caught it, Sadie pointed out and claimed, "Evil Bear has struck again!"

It took her a second to realize Jenny had said the exact same thing at the exact same time.

"You knew about the Easter egg?", Jenny looked surprised.

"Yeah!", Sadie chirped, equally surprised, "You did?"

"Of course!", Jenny grinned, "I've seen this whole series wayyy too many times to count!"

"Oh gosh," Sadie laughed, cheeks red. She certainly didn't expect someone like Jenny to be a horror movie fan! But she was one to talk, nobody ever expected a girl like herself to be into this too, she supposed.

"You know about the urban legend that they gave out a haunted case of money that caused all those fires at Wall Street Offices-"

"-And it disappeared in that plane crash in Toledo?"

Jenny grinned, "I'm totally calling it, that case is gonna end up on someone's door and cause terror all over again."

Sadie laughed, "I bet!"

"But if it ends up on my door, I'm cashing it in! I ain't gonna keep money around my house if its gonna set things on fire. Let the bank deal with that."

"I know, right?", Sadie laughed, "I mean, who in their right mind would keep a full suitcase full of-"

"Guysss, turn your noise down", Sour Cream frowned at the two of them, everyone else looking at them.

"Oops," Sadie whispered, then glanced at Jenny, "I'm Sadie, by the way. I never thought to give you my name," she laughed a little.

"Yeah, I know you!", she smiled, keeping her voice down as she jammed another Twizzler in her mouth, "Your Lars' friend at work! He talks about you a lot."

"Oh, he does?", Sadie felt a little anxious.

"Yeah, he says you're pretty fun to hang with, and that you made his job suck less."

Sadie blushed, "Aw, well I guess that's good t'know."

"Guess working there all day can kinda burn you out, huh?", Jenny asked, pulling out a tube of chapstick.

"Yeah," Sadie sighed, thinking about her absent friend, "It really can. That's kinda one reason Lars probably quit."

"Oh yeah," Jenny hummed as she applied the chapstick, "He told us about that, poor guy. Said it was all just stressing him out an' stuff. Well I hope he's able to relax at his grandparents place and come back before he gets to missin' us all. You heard anything from him?"

"No," Sadie sighed, feeling a little bit anxious that she had no contact with him since he hung up on her.

"Ah," Jenny shrugged, and grabbed for the popcorn again, "He's probably just busy with whatever people do on farms. Or he's too far out in the country to get any good cell service."

"Might be," Sadie mumbled, chewing on her finger.

She was snapped back to attention when Jenny cackled with laughter at the notoriously melodramatic death scene of the movie, quoting it dramatically as it played out on screen.

Sadie smiled with amusement, and got right back into the movie.

She wished she had known this much about Jenny before tonight.

* * *

"Two aces," Jenny glanced to the left of her.

"One two," Sadie slid a card onto the pile in the middle of the table.

"Two threes," Ronaldo slyly snuck the cards on top, and Sour Cream leered at him.

"BS"

Ronaldo smiled smugly, "Read 'em, and weep!", and the lanky teenager gave a disappointed huff as he saw Ronaldo had not lied, and pulled the entire pile of cards into his hand.

After a particularly boring day at work, Sadie had met up with Ronaldo, Jenny, Buck, and Sour Cream at Fish Stew Pizza, and since Kiki had the car for deliveries, they couldn't really go anywhere that was out of walking distance. The lighthouse was a place they would commonly meet, to relax, watch movies, and chew on snacks, but sometimes even that wasn't appealing. They all settled for staying in the restaurant, and playing various games with a deck of cards Sadie had in her bag from work, having found it in the otherwise empty locker abandoned weeks ago, and were currently on the third consecutive game of 'BS', everyone trying to break Ronaldo's winning streak.

"So Jen," Sadie piped up, "Are you headed to Creepycon next week?"

"No," Jenny pouted, shuffling the cards in her hand, "Too much gas money, and I missed out on preregistration. It really sucks," she groaned, "Three sixes."

"Eh, that's ok," Sadie shrugged, "You aren't missing much," she smiled, and then placed down two cards after Jenny, "Two sevens."

"BS," Ronaldo spoke up, fanning himself with his own dwindling hand of cards.

"Shit," Sadie hissed, and gave an apologetic laugh as she picked up the cards, embarrassed by her own profanity, "Sorry."

"No no, don't be," Jenny smiled melodramatically, " _Embrace_  the swearing," and crossed her leg, "At least take pictures for me if you're going, aight?"

"Of course," Sadie laughed, "Maybe they'll have a raffle for some merchandise or something. It's how I got my Evil Bear III shirt."

"Your pajama shirt?", Jenny snickered.

"Yeah, my pajama shirt," Sadie laughed, rolling her eyes, remembering how hyped Jenny and Ronaldo had been at seeing her choice of a nightshirt during a big group movie night and sleepover at the lighthouse.

"Try to win me one this time," Jenny teased, "I would kill for one of those."

"I'll try," Sadie assured.

"Hey, isn't Creepycon near the county where Lars is now?", Buck piped up as he glared at Ronaldo for once again having an honest play of cards, and making him have to take the pile.

"Oh, yeah!" Ronaldo grinned, wiggling the two last cards in his hand, "It's pretty close by. An extra twenty minutes or so."

"Oh yeah," Sadie laughed awkwardly, voice going soft.

"You could totally visit him and stuff. It's been forever since we've seen him," Sour Cream leafed through his cards, intent to take Ronaldo down from his pedestal.

Sadie wanted to say that a little over two months wasn't 'forever', but instead, she gave another awkward smile, and shrugged, "Maybe. It'll all depend on how much time I have before and after the con, y'know?"

"Yeah, I get you," Jenny shrugged, and pulled something out of her coat pocket, "He wrote to me a couple weeks ago-"

"To you?", Sadie perked up, face red. She hadn't heard from him at all!

"Well not just to me, to Kiki too," Jenny laughed, "We told him he had to at least write to us once while he was gone or we'd force feed him cold pizza when he got back in town."

"O-Oh," Sadie laughed, feeling a little less awkward, glad to hear that he was just honoring a wish/threat, "What did he say?"

"You wanna read it?", Jenny slid the folded piece of card stock paper over for Sadie, and then immediately shrieked "BS!" at Ronaldo, who went bug-eyed as he placed down his last two cards, and reluctantly picked up the pile of cards.

While the other three cheered over having potentially stopped Ronaldo from winning, Sadie decided to put her full attention to the letter.

_Hey Kiki and Jenny!_

_See, I finally wrote to you, so no cold pizza treatment, haha! I even wrote it on paper with a pen, so then there's no loopholes!_

_It was kind of hard for me to get used to living here the first week, it's an older house with pretty shitty heating and cooling, so I've had to hoard blankets and stuff from my grandmother's attic. The first time I borrowed a quilt from there though, I had to end up beating it with a broom a few times because it was a huge dust filter, and I got a whole mouthful of it! Thank god I didn't get any moths in it, I would have totally freaked._

_Kiki, you'd totally dig it here, the weather is really nice most of the time, and we have a garden! For once I'm actually learning how to grow flowers and my own vegetables to cook. I'll see if I can send you some seed packets I've been using. Also, my gram wasn't going to let up until I wrote this here (she's convinced you or your sister is my girlfriend, even when i tell her no), but she taught me how to sew, and I was able to do it without stabbing my finger over forty times. I didn't wanna do it at first, but then my grandpa showed me the quilt he'd made when my mom was a baby over in China, and I guess that means sewing is totally a manly thing. XD_

_Jen, you have a thing for mud-wrestling right? B'cus I basically ended up having to do that yesterday. The neighboring farm sold some pigs to my grandfather, and we had to haul them into the back of a truck, and he brought me along because in his words, I'm expendable and less prone to probably breaking a bone or something (gee thanks gramps lol). Those fuckers are mean, they tried to bite my fingers off when I was trying to grab one, and then it was basically me and the neighbors running after these guys and trying to get a hold on them in the mud. There's still mud in my hair, and everything is terrible. I'll have to film this shit if I get the chance again. :p_

_Well, that's all I really got to say, I'm gonna be helping pick peaches to sell at the farm stand this weekend. Lemme know if you want another letter back, and I'll try to send you guys stuff!_

_Tell everybody I said hi._

_\- Lars_  ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ﾉ

Sadie smiled, and thanked Jenny for letting her read the letter, giving it back to her.

Lars seemed happy.

And Sadie worried.

It was easier to mask your emotions on paper than it was when you were around people. And Sadie knew after all these years that it was one of Lars' many talents, having discovered it in a way that she wouldn't ever be able to forget.

* * *

_At first, Sadie was thinking that she had just imagined it, thinking it was an illusion from the corner of her eye. But she took another look while she had the chance, and sure enough she was right._

_Lines of scars on Lars' arm were just visible from where he had carelessly rolled up his sleeves to wash his hands earlier, and he had neglected to unroll them._

_Sadie looked up from them in time for Lars' gaze to meet hers as he grinned and told her another stupid joke._

_"Hey Sadie, why did Billy fall off the swing?"_

_"I don't know."_

_"He had no arms."_

_"Haha."_

_He snickered cheekily at his own joke, and nudged her._

_She felt sick to her stomach._

_In the whole six months of knowing her co-worker, she never expected to discover something like this about him. He didn't seem like the type. Whenever he wasn't rude to customers, or grumpy in general, he was cheerful enough, he managed to smile, and joke, and laugh a lot. Aside from the rudeness, Sadie didn't really suspect anything wrong with him aside a huge affinity for loud music and gross, smelly snacks like herring and octopus salad._

_Maybe those scars were fake?_

_While Lars scrolled his phone, still none the wiser, Sadie took another look at his bare arm. No, they were too real to deny._

_She felt so stupid. Something had been wrong with Lars this whole time, and she never even suspected it._

_And now she worried about him. How much more did she not know about him, and how much was he hiding from the world? He was hurting himself, and nobody had ever noticed? Did his parents know about this?_

_"Knock knock," Lars smirked, leaning back in his seat, his sleeves unrolling back to their usual place on his arms._

_Sadie gave a smile, "Who's there?"_

_"Not Billy," he cracked a stupid grin, and had Sadie been as ignorant as she had been before, she would have laughed, and told Lars he was such a character, and that he certainly knew how to live it up, and continued on her day._

_She laughed, and worried._

_She worried for days after that, sincerely hoping that she wouldn't ever see any more scars or cuts on him, in the sliver of hope that this was just a thing of the past for him, that maybe they were scars of long ago, and that no more would show up._

_On a Friday, weeks after her discovery, Sadie was stocking the front of the store; Lars in the back, music from his beat up old mini radio, loud and pounding in Sadie's ears. She was starting to get a migraine, and decided it would be good to go in and politely ask Lars to turn down the volume so she could hear herself think._

_When she entered, her words died in her throat as she saw Lars, his back turned to her, hunched over a stool, not saying a word. Greeted by the back of his head, all Sadie could do was try to see what his hands were doing._

_And then she saw the box cutter delicately held in his right hand, blade jutting out in plain sight. She couldn't see where his left arm was, but judging by where that cutter was aimed, probably resting on his legs._

_"Lars!," Sadie spoke up loudly, hurrying over, "Put that down!"_

_Lars yelped, and whirled around to face her, visibly surprised at the sudden intrusion, and the sealed box of styrofoam cups in his lap was carelessly knocked over as Sadie rushed over to him and wrapped her arms around him tight._

_"Sadie-!", Lars snapped, annoyed, "What the heck?"_

_"I'm sorry!", Sadie suddenly exclaimed, "If I had known, I'd have said something sooner!"_

_Lars stared at her in complete confusion, having no idea what on earth she was going on about, "Sadie, I have no idea what you're- wait, are you crying?"_

_"You deserve to be happy Lars! I-I'll help you however I can, I promise!", she rubbed at her eyes._

_"...Sadie, I literally have no idea what the fuck you're smoking right now, but whatever it is, keep it away from me. I don't want to be an emotional wreck like you," he rolled his eyes, and was trying to stretch his pinned arm towards the box cutter that fell on the floor, but Sadie's grip was stronger than expected._

_"Uh...can you let me go?", he coughed awkwardly, "Or is this just 'cry on Lars' shirt day'?"_

_Sadie was too embarrassed and too worked up to tell Lars anything, so he awkwardly pat her shoulder, and tried to squirm out of her grip. He just wanted to get back to work._

_"Wait-" Sadie sniffled, catching her breath, and took a second to calm herself, "I'll handle the boxes. Why don't you just...go manage the front, OK?"_

_"Oh...uh...aight...yeah, sure," Lars muttered, shrugging as he got up, "Are you sure you're OK? Is this like one of those girly things?"_

_"...Y-Yeah," Sadie lied, and she bit the inside of her cheek as Lars gave a soft chuckle, and walked into the front of the store, muttering something about this job being the weirdest one he'd ever had._

_She stared at the box cutter in her hand, and then the boxes she'd neglected to see when she had walked in. She felt embarrassed about not having read the situation right, but also knew that if it had been exactly what she had first assumed, she'd felt she did the right thing._

_Lars wouldn't ever ask what she had been thinking, or, as far as she thought, ever figure out what she knew about him. Even after years of working together._

_And he would never know that she now knew one of his biggest secrets: Lars was a skilled liar._

* * *

Sadie was snapped out of her thoughts by Jenny's sudden wild cheering as she had rid herself of her last two cards, no BS-ing this turn, and the girl slapped the table, "WOO! IN YOUR FACE, RON!"

Ronaldo groaned, leafing through his cards, his winning streak now broken, and everyone put their cards in the middle of the table, re-shuffling the deck for another game.

When the evening was over, Sadie asked Jenny if she had the address from Lars' letter still, and she was given the envelope.

In return, she gave Jenny her pass to the con, telling her she could pay for a round trip bus ticket for her.

"Are you sure? I mean, this thing costs a lot!", Jenny was trying not to grin.

"Hey, you'll have more fun there than I will," Sadie smiled, and headed straight home.

She had to make new plans for her weekend.

* * *

The bus ride ended up being a miserable experience for Sadie. Her seat was too stiff and uncomfortable, and unfortunately right where the security exit was. She couldn't nap out of the concern that if her head rested against the window, she might accidentally hit the emergency release lever in her sleep, and go flying out the hatch. Even when she switched seats at the next depot, it was still an uncomfortable experience, and it was raining for the first two hours, the constant pattering noise on her window keeping her awake.

About three quarters of the way there, the weather finally cleared up, the sky was pink with the sunset, and Sadie was tempted to text Lars, wondering if it was a good idea to warn him she was visiting.

When she scrolled her messages in her phone, having been busy over the weeks conversing with her bigger group of friends, she saw her conversation with Lars had been pushed to the bottom, not having been touched for over two months.

They really had hurt each other, hadn't they?

Sadie tried to imagine what might happen if she texted him, wondering if he'd ignore it. Or if she'd suddenly get a flood of texts telling her he was sorry, and that she was right, and that he regretted all of this. Or if he'd tell her to go away, that she wasted her time, that his life in Beach City was history, and that she was old news.

She pocketed her phone, deciding she would just wait until she got to the last bus depot.

She forgot about texting him once she did actually get there, and was more concerned with the next set of directions to go by, wondering if she should get a taxi. When she asked for the nearest taxi service at the information booth, they gave her a funny look, and asked her if she had ever been in this stretch of the country.

It was going to be a forty minute walk, and the sky was growing dark.

If Sadie had been as cautious and meek as she had been when she was younger, she would have probably decided to stay there for the night and wait until morning. But she had a set amount of money with her, and was not going to waste it on a motel room, so she opted to hoof it all the way there.

Keeping a tight grip on her flashlight in case it got too dark, Sadie walked briskly down the dirt road, paying attention to the road signs, and keeping her eyes forward and her ears sharp.

Admittedly, she was scared. First of being in a strange place outdoors at night, going by a set of directions that could get her lost with carelessness. And second, that she had made a mistake with this. There was a strong chance that Lars would tell her she had made a mistake, and was not welcome there. But she was also strongly confident that he wouldn't force her to walk back in the dark, especially since it was pitch black near the end of her walk.

The farmhouse was a fairly small two-story, older looking with a few missing patches of paint on the wood shutters, and an old porch swing looking ready to break off its hinges at any moment. The farmland she passed by while walking up towards it was fairly large, and if it wasn't so dark, she was pretty sure she'd be able to see everything it contained.

She had shone her flashlight on a fence, and saw it was part of a pen, and wondered if there was animals in it.

All the lights were out, which concerned Sadie. It was only about ten o'clock, and she knew Lars would  _never_  go to bed that early. Maybe it was the wrong house?

Just as she was about to consider turning around, she had been walking up the porch stairs, and tripped, dropping her flashlight on the steps, watching it roll and bounce all the way back onto the dirt with a crash, and her packed bag of clothes and travel necessities slamming onto the porch.

Sadie winced as she got up, feeling a sting on her left knee, knowing she scraped it. Well this was a lucky start...

Suddenly a light upstairs turned on, and Sadie could hear muffled chatter upstairs, different voices clear, but their words completely inaudible to her. She felt nervous, knowing that she probably had the owners spooked and thinking they had an intruder.

Deciding to prevent the chance of them catching her trying to walk away, and mistake her for some thief or rustler, she stiffly but politely knocked on the door, and held her breath, clutching her bag to her chest as she heard thumping down some stairs, and someone approaching the door.

The door opened slowly, and Sadie gave a nervous smile to the elderly man who opened the door in his pajamas, his face stern as he spoke, "Can I help you?"

"H-Hi," Sadie spoke, voice catching with nervousness as she tried to keep smiling, "I-I was wondering if Lars lived here?"

"Why?"

"I-I'm a friend of his from home."

_Okay, that was a lie. Sort of._

The old man's face softened, and he gave a welcoming smile that made Sadie feel a little less anxious, and then he laughed, "My my!", and turned, calling up the stairs in Mandarin, " _Lars! Visitor for you!_ "

" _At this time of the night?_ ", the familiar voice had groaned irritably, and Sadie's spine chilled, not even knowing what he was saying, but his tone making her feel like this had all been a big mistake.

" _It's a pretty girl!_ ", his grandfather sing-songed, and smiled to Sadie, who just smiled back, still absolutely confused and worried, wishing she knew what was being said.

" _Lars put that rifle back in the closet! We know it's not a burglar!_ ", a female voice had spoken.

" _Fine!_ "

After more rustling, then thumping down the stairs, Sadie readied herself, averting her gaze from the older man, and fixed it so it would meet with the next person to turn the corner.

"Sadie?", Lars had immediately stood in place, and his tone was clearly surprised.

"...h-hi," she spoke up awkwardly.

"What are you doing here?", he asked, still sounding surprised, his voice quieter than it had been when he had been coming down the stairs.

"I...came to see you...", she admitted, realizing she didn't have a proper lie to give for being here.

"O-Oh...", he mumbled, and his face went red, either from seeing her after so long, or realizing that he was in pajama pants and a tank top.

Lars' grandparents had left Sadie and their grandson in the foyer for the moment, and Sadie awkwardly piped up, "I needed to see you. To talk to you."

"Now's not a good time," he spoke quietly.

"Lars, I took the bus all the way here, I walked-"

"I mean, tonight," he mumbled, face red, "Yeah. We gotta...talk and stuff but- it's late-"

"Not really."

He stared at her, and spoke deadpanned,"I get up at four thirty."

"...Oh."

"Yeah. I was sleeping," he muttered, rubbing his face, "I...don't even know how we'd talk. I mean, stuff was really messed up where we left off, and I have no idea what's going on with you now, and I have a lot to say, and you probably want to yell at me or something-"

"I don't want to yell at you-"

"Ok ok," he muttered, rubbing his forehead a little, and let his hand rest there as he tried to think, "Can we try to figure this out tomorrow or something? I'm too tired to really say anything without getting mad. You can come back tomorrow."

"Uh," Sadie began, face flushing, "I don't have anywhere to go."

Lars sucked in his cheeks, "Y'know, maybe we can find you a hotel or-"

"We have a guest room!", his grandmother suddenly called from somewhere in the house, "She can stay there as long as she'd like!"

Lars flushed, and sighed, "Yeah, alright  _lăolao,_ " and glanced to Sadie, voice quiet, "C'mon, I'll show you where it is."

As he led her up the stairs, his grandfather told him not to stay up all night chattering with his lovely friend, and Lars groaned again, nudging a door open with his foot, "So yeah, this is it. Bathroom's the next door on the right, and if you hafta charge your phone or use the outlet for whatever, unplug your lamp on the table there."

"Oh...uh," Sadie looked around the decently sized room, and the small bed, and then looked to Lars, "Thanks for this."

"Mhm," he stretched his back, and started to the door, "My room's across the way two doors down, try not to wake me unless like, your mattress is on fire...which might actually happen with how fucking old and dried out it is-"

"I'll try not to wake you," Sadie assured softly, and before he could leave, she caught his attention again, and he looked at her with a strange calmness she hadn't seen in a long time.

"It's...really great to see you again," she spoke with a weak smile.

Lars managed to give a small exhausted smile back, "...Yeah. Same."

* * *

Sadie couldn't remember the last time she'd woken up at four thirty in the morning. The earliest she was used to was five forty five, maybe five thirty (it was a blessing to live so close to work). She didn't necessarily have to wake up at four thirty, and from what she knew, Lars' family had no intent to wake her up then, it was simply the thin walls and their bustling and chattering in the halls and up and down the stairs that had woken her from a light, restless sleep thanks to an old, hard mattress like Lars had warned her.

She heard Lars' grandmother say something that made his grandfather laugh, and Lars adding something to it with another laugh, and Sadie felt a bittersweet tug in her chest, hearing them all chatter away with a kindly, upbeat tone, even if she didn't understand them. Hearing her friend sound so calmly cheerful made her feel both relieved and worried, since she just couldn't tell if it was real.

After a short while, the house was quiet, and Sadie figured everyone had gone outside to do whatever it was they did on farms. Sighing, she closed her eyes, intending to rest them for only a few minutes, but when she opened them again, she heard a knock on her door, and Lars piping up, "Hey, Sadie. You awake in there?"

"Oh!", she yelped, sitting up, and wrapping the blanket around her to cover up her already clothed chest, "Yeah!", she answered with cheerful awkwardness, "What time is it? Did I sleep in too late?"

"Nah, you're good, it's only like 8:30," he spoke, voice still fairly calm, "I was gonna make breakfast. You hungry?"

"Oh-uhm- yeah!", she was looking around for her duffle bag, to quickly plan out her set of clothes, "Anything is good!"

"Aight," he answered, and the sound of feet heading down the stairs followed, and then it was quiet again.

Sadie sat in bed, hugging the blanket around her with a groan, stretching her back a little, and sighed. If he was making breakfast, and they were alone, the time would be open for them to discuss what needed to be said. And right now, Sadie wasn't sure if she wanted to do that or not. Lars seemed fairly different than he was when he left, and she didn't know how exactly he'd react during what could possibly turn into an argument. Especially since he said there was  _things he wanted to say_. And Sadie had a feeling it was not going to be messages of love and praise.

Once she managed to get up, and get dressed, she headed downstairs, and navigated her way to the kitchen, hearing Lars working over the stove, and she quietly stepped in, faking interest in the decor around the otherwise cluttered kitchen. The warm smell of butter and sugar was inviting, and the fact that Lars had acknowledged her without so much as a scowl or sullen look was a little promising.

"You like oatmeal?", he asked as he stirred a pot, adding a fistful of brown sugar to it.

"It's OK," she shrugged, easing herself into a wooden chair at the little cloth draped table, and rest her elbow on it, watching him work, "Do you guys always get up that early here?"

"Yeah," he sighed, "Farm chores and stuff. And they're just eager to get a start on the day."

"What about you?"

"Still not a morning person," he snorted, "I can physically get up, but until around six thirty, I'm a freakin' zombie."

"Oh," she laughed softly, and watched as he carried over a steaming bowl of oatmeal to her, placing it on the plate in front of her, and then without saying anything, placed half a peach on the side of the plate.

"Uh...?", she looked at the fruit, then at him as he sat with his own plate of oatmeal.

"Picked some more peaches this morning," he grabbed a little glass pitcher of milk, pouring it in his bowl, "If you don't want it, I can eat it."

"Huh? Oh no, I'll eat it!", she assured, "Thank you!"

"Mmhm," he blinked tiredly, and stirred his oatmeal, looking at his bowl.

"...Are you still mad at me?"

He glanced up, "Mm?"

"Are you mad? About what happened before you left?"

Lars stared at his bowl with a bit more focus, as if he was trying to avert her gaze.

"Lars?"

"Yeah, I'm still mad, aight?", he answered quickly, but not as aggressively as he normally would, "I mean...sort of. Like, I think I was able to chill out a lot once I got here, but I still get kind of pissed thinking about it- can you pass the cinnamon?"

"I know, I'm still mad too," she sighed, passing the little bottle over to him casually, and took a bite of her own breakfast, "Do you have a sugar bowl?", she spoke after swallowing.

Lars nudged it across the table, "Yeah, I don't blame you really, I was kinda a dick when we last talked- but I was just really...well-"

"I know you were-...but still you just blew me off then hung up on me and-"

"You've walked out on me before-"

"But you were leaving and didn't even say  _goodbye,"_ she argued calmly.

Lars looked at her, not keeping his gaze down anymore, "...right."

"Do you even know how that made me feel?"

"It probably made you feel like shit, huh?" he spoke quietly, still looking at her.

Sadie just gave a nod, and stared at him with an expression that she wished could show how angry and hurt she had felt, but their whole argument so far had come out so calmly, even her feelings seemed diluted.

"Sometimes, it feels like you don't think about how I feel, Lars. When you say things or do things like that to me.  _And then you don't notice until it's already done._ "

Lars still hadn't stopped looking at her, and then spoke up, his tone clear, but his voice calm, "Sometimes it feels like you think  _you_  know better about my feelings than  _I_  do...and then when I tell you about something you did or said made me feel bad... _you don't listen to me_."

She looked him in the eye, not saying anything until he opened his mouth again.

_''Sadie, whenever I do try to tell you the truth, you don't want to listen.''_

_''You've lied so much, Lars, I don't know when you're telling the truth or not.''_

They each had said their piece, and the tension was strangely a mix of thick and flimsy. They both ate a bit more of their breakfast in the quiet.

Sadie lifted up her peach half, and took a bite.

"Hey," Lars spoke up very quietly, giving a tired smile.

She looked at him, mouth still on the fruit.

"Why don't I drag y'round the farm today? I've got more chores to do, and then I work at the farm stand..."

"...Are your grandparents OK with that, I mean-  _oh my god, Lars, this peach is so good_ ," she whispered, staring in amazement at the fruit.

He gave a small snort through his nose, "Yeah, they're totally cool with it. They're probably going to ask you if you want to stay longer than you planned."

"Aww," she laughed softly, then flushed, "You'd be OK with taking me around?"

"Yeah, why not?", he smiled, "It'll be fun."

"...Alright," she smiled back, rubbing at her weary eyes with her free hand, and they finished their shared breakfast in the strangely comfortable silence of the house.

* * *

"Lars are you sure you don't need help climbing up there?"

"Positive!", he called back, gripping tightly to a branch on an apple tree with ripe produce towards the top. Swinging his leg over a branch, he stood on top of it, and soon his head stuck out of the top of the tree.

"Do me a favor, and hold up the bucket while I pick the apples?"

"Oh, uh...yeah!", she smiled awkwardly, and was already starting to sense this idea wasn't going to work, "You know, we could just go get a ladder and-"

"Ladder schmadder," he snorted, grabbing three apples on the top, and leaned down on the branch, dropping the apples without warning.

One struck Sadie in the face, and she yelped, "Ow!"

"Hold the bucket up!"

"It is up! You keep aiming for my face!"

Crouching lower on the branch so he could see her, he sucked in his cheeks as he realized the issue of coordination, and flushed with embarrassment, "...wanna switch?"

She sighed, "Yeah. Sure," and began climbing up the tree with ease while he hopped onto the ground and held up the bucket to the perfect level she could reach and plop the apples in, "Isn't this much better?"

"Yeah yeah," he snorted, arms soon buckling a little when the bucket was full and heavy, and placed it down on the ground, "Do you need help getting down?"

"Nah, I've got it," she smiled, flipping over the branch, landing on her feet.

"10 outta 10," Lars teased, and after they filled about ten more buckets, Lars loaded the apples into the back of his grandfather's truck, and hopped in the driver's seat.

"Lars, do you have a license yet?"

"Shh."

"Lars!"

"I'm just driving it around the front, relax," he snorted, patting the passenger seat.

Sadie huffed, and climbed in the front, "You better be good at not crashing."

"Of course I am," he assured with a smirk, and drove slowly down the gravel road from the apple trees towards the front of the estate where his grandfather was waiting.

" _How much did you pick?_ "

" _All of the first two rows, ten buckets._ "

" _Good good!_ ", the old man smiled, then gave a happy nod to Sadie, "Are you having fun?"

"Oh!", she perked up, and nodded, smiling politely, "Yeah!"

He smiled at her again, then turned to his grandson, " _Your grandmother thinks today would be a good day to sell some of the pork...but she decided this too late! We could have handled this this morning...You've done this before, can you manage it again by yourself?_ "

Lars was about to say yes, but then glanced at Sadie, and gulped, " _Yes...just one moment._ "

He grinned very awkwardly to Sadie, "Hey Saaaadie, you don't have any problem with uh...handling farm animals, right?"

"Not at all, why?"

"Oh...uh...no reason," he smiled nervously, not exactly wanting to see her reaction to hearing he was going to be slaughtering a pig, especially in front of his grandfather. He figured once they were out of earshot of his grandfather, he could tell her, and led her around to the other side of the house.

Once they reached the pig pen, Sadie smiled as she saw the animals obliviously wallowing in the mud and munching on the food out of their trough.

"Aww, these guys look so cute!", she laughed as she watched them, "Are they getting sold for pets?"

"Uh...no," Lars breathed through his nose, "They're food."

She looked at him, then at the pigs, then him again, " _This_  is what you mean by handling animals?"

"Sadie, this is a farm, most everything here is up for grabs at the market!"

"Y-You're really gonna kill 'em?"

"You speared a buncha fish and an invisible monster for a whole week," he countered with a fairly good natured tone.

"Y-Yeah, but that was for survival! We had to eat!", she looked at the pigs as they were ignorant to their fate.

"And we gotta eat around here too," he rolled his eyes, "I just need to pick one anyway-"

"Lars!", she whined, "Please don't make me look!"

"I won't!", he assured, waving his hands quickly, "Look, why don't you just...wait over by the chickens or something, and I'll be back out in like, ten minutes? I just have to do the first part, and my grandmother will handle the rest."

"O-Ok," she sighed, and glanced away as he walked into the pen, and hauled out one of the pigs with little trouble leading it away into a small shed like structure. Really, thinking about it, the whole thing wasn't too bothersome, after all, on a farm, most animals were meat, and she was sure they knew what they were doing. But on the same hand, the fact that it was Lars who was going to be doing the dirty work of the process was really unexpected. She knew he was a wonderful cook, but she never would consider him to be the type of person who could handle killing his own meal like she could. And she didn't really want to see it either. Especially with how cute those pigs looked...

After a short while, Lars came out, wiping his hands on a cloth that he tossed in a bucket, "Aight, left the rest to my gram, we can go back inside now."

"O-Oh, good," she sighed, surprised she hadn't even heard a sound during the whole thing, "So uh...what do we do at the farm stand?"

"Well, what did we do back in Beach City?", he stuck his tongue out a little, "We sold stuff! Same principle here, except napkins are _not_  always free."

Sadie laughed, "Do we get company shirts?"

"I wish," Lars snorted, heading inside the house and washing his hands thoroughly, then reaching into a cabinet under the sink, pulling out a pile of aprons, "We get aprons here. And lo and behold, we have a fourth one you can wear...if you want."

"Yeah," she laughed, taking her turn at the sink, "I'll be Lars II for the day."

"Nah, you can just be Sadie," he snickered, and tossed her the smallest one , "We don't need another of me around here."

Tying it on, she smiled, "How do I look?"

"So adorable, it's disgusting," he teased, and tied his own on, "And me?"

"You look...like Lars," she snorted.

"Good, that's the best way to look," he puffed his chest, and peered out the window, "Looks like they're startin' up the truck. Let's climb in the back, aight?"

"In the truck bed?"

"Yeah, where else?"

"Um, somewhere that's got seat belts?"

"Sadie, welcome to the country," he snickered, and leaned on a crate of produce.

For once, Sadie could sense he was really genuinely smiling.

* * *

"So what do you remember from the night which we will only now refer to as 'Game Night'?"

"When did we decide on calling it that?", Sadie looked up from her drink.

"Well what else are we calling it?", Lars shrugged, "Joystick Night?"

She snorted, "Not that. Definitely not that. Stick with the first one."

"Aight," he laughed, "So what do you remember from it, aside from the obvious? 'cause you probably remember a lot more than me."

After several hours of working at the farm stand with his grandparents and Sadie, Lars bought them both glass bottles of soda from a cooler at a neighboring stand, and they had settled on the porch swing while the sun was slowly beginning its descent. Sure it was probably going to break at any point, and cause them both back injuries, but it was a lot comfier than sitting on the actual porch itself.

"Well," she began, "I remember a lot of stuff. Why are you asking?"

"I dunno," he shrugged, "Just curious." It was a night she seemed to think about a lot more often than he did, and he just wanted a better idea of what it all meant to her.

Taking another sip of her soda, Sadie leaned back, looking up in thought, "Before you got into the alcohol-"

"We."

"Yeah, we," she corrected, "You talked a lot about how you collected all your games. That you got your first console from a yard sale, and that you spent over a week trying to fix it, and even then it was really buggy, but that you played it for hours on end. You told me about how you collected all your games since you were like, seven years old."

"Before that, I was digging around my room for quarters to use at the arcade," he boasted a little, taking a large swig of his soda.

"And then I told you about how I was still using my old beat up console with 16 bit graphics," Sadie mused.

"Oh yeah, I remember that," he snickered, "Do you still have it?"

"No," she sighed, "It finally bit the dust a while ago, and Ronaldo couldn't fix it."

Lars paused before he took another drink, "Ok, I'm going to stop you there a second to tell you:  _Never_  let Ronaldo fix anything of yours. He's like a gremlin-"

"Lars!", she scolded.

"No no, I mean it in the least mean way, he just has bad luck with fixing stuff. When we were kids, I had a half finished model of the Millenium Falcon in my room. I let him help me with it one afternoon, and within twenty minutes, it was a pile of crap. Then he tried to fix a computer at school, and it started smoking."

"Are you sure that was his fault?"

"Sadie, has he ever had a consistently working TV at his lighthouse?"

"...no."

"My point stands."

She rolled her eyes a little, and continued, "Anyway, we just talked a lot about video games and how much we liked them growing up. And then you told me about how you traded game cartridges with kids at school, and I thought that was really cute, like it's something that you don't really see anymore, y'know?"

Lars flushed a bit, "Yeah."

"And then I told you about how I tried to save money for a Gamepal handheld, and that some kid stole my money out of my backpack."

"Oh yeah," he nodded, "I never asked, d'you ever see that kid again?"

"Yeah. I pushed him in the mud and sat on him that following week."

Lars nearly spit his drink, "Oh my god, that's hilarious, I wish I coulda seen that!"

Sadie looked down into the mouth of her glass bottle, "And then you started getting tipsy, and telling me random stuff."

"Oh uh...yeah?", he glanced over, "Like what?"

"Well...", she began, "You told me a bit about how you wanted to save up to take another art class before high school was over, but your dad was still job hunting, and you didn't want to ask him about money, so you were saving up your own cash for it...and then you said out of the blue that you regretted spending so much for that game..."

"...I had fun when I was playing it with you," he admitted sheepishly.

"Yeah," she looked at him with an expression that said she understood his sentiment, and then continued, "And then you started spilling out a lot of stuff you don't really talk about, like, I guess you felt pretty lonely at school, and you thought your teachers were picking on you for not getting perfect scores-"

Lars swallowed, giving an awkward laugh, "Y-yeah. High school was tough."

"...And then you started mumbling stuff about how stuff was different without your mom around, and then you said you didn't have any friends." _But you always had me._

"Yeah," he mumbled, "Stuff was hard. It still is."

"I know," she spoke softly, "But...yeah...that night, I think, that was when you were the most honest with me. Ever."

"Sadie, I was _drunk_."

"People can sometimes be overly honest when they're drunk," she shrugged.

"Yeah...well...I don't know if that's me though...I mean-", he paused in thought and sighed, "When I get overly emotional or shit, I say things I've been meaning to say, but they come out all wrong."

"Oh...yeah?", she mumbled.

"Yeah, like...when I talk about stuff people do that makes me feel bad, I just get really pissed off about it. And I hate it, like why the fuck can't I be normal and handle my problems like everyone else?"

"Well, you're doing a better job of it now, I think..."

"Well, yeah, but I've had  _time_  to think over this shit, I've been thinkin' about it ever since I got here."

Sadie gave a weak smile, "...Then maybe it really was a good thing you came out here."

"Yeah," he mumbled, then finished his drink, "I do really miss Beach City though."

Sadie ran her thumb across the lip of her bottle.

"Lars?"

"Mm?"

"I'm sorry."

He glanced at her, looking puzzled.

"You...you were right when you said all those things to me before you left... I wasn't really listening to you, or think to ask you how you felt about all that stuff...I guess I was just...so  _sure_  I knew what made you tick...or at least parts of what made you tick, and tried to imagine that was how you would work as a whole. And when it didn't work...I guess I just pinned it on you not trying to get better. And I guess I tried to make all of your problems my problems...and well...you know how I like to try and fix things..." she gave an awkwardly mirthless chuckle, "I guess I never stopped to think that I might have been hurting you too. With your mom, the island, Ronaldo...everything," she sighed, "...Maybe if I hadn't said or done some of those things, then maybe you wouldn't have had to leave."

Lars was staring at his lap, pin quiet, and Sadie worried a little.

"Lars?"

"...Thank you," he mumbled, "That...really means a lot," then drew in a sigh, "But I think even if you didn't do those things, I'd still probably would have taken my dad's suggestion and decided to come here," he looked at her, "I've got problems Sades, and a good chunk of them can't be fixed, not in a place like home. My house is empty most of the time, my dad's jumping from job to job, we have those freakin' gem monster things everywhere, I can hardly talk to people without feeling like a fuck up...I just needed to empty my head, see if my meds would actually kick in or something, and have a place where I could give less of a shit about what people think. My grandparents don't care what I do, they don't judge," he shrugged.

Sadie picked at a nail, having things she wanted to say in regards to his decision, but knew that he had valid reasons for moving.

"...Still...I feel like shit for not having told you first," he admitted, "I mean...I guess I didn't really think about what you might do after I left.."

"Yeah," she spoke softly, playing with a strand of her hair.

"The only thing I remember you telling me during 'Game Night: Part Drunk' was that in middle school, there was one year that nobody gave you valentines, and that you cried all day in the bathroom, and...I guess I felt bad, because I guess I never really asked you if you hung out with other people besides me...or Steven...or Ronaldo," he shrugged, resting his elbow on the swing arm, but quickly pulled it back when he felt the swing tilt dangerously.

Sadie gave a small surprised laugh at how the swing tilted, then sighed, "Well...it all turned out okay," she assured, smiling at him, "I got to know your friends while you were away...Jenny and I have a lot in common."

"Oh yeah? You guys really hit it off?"

"Yeah," she laughed, face flushed, "I was surprised, I never thought she was a horror movie junkie."

"Oh, hell she is," he laughed, "She's got a bigger collection of horror movie and b-movie junk than you."

"Yeah, she showed me," Sadie laughed, "We're trying to go through all of them, both in regular audience mode, and then MST3K mode. We crack each other up."

"That's good," he smiled, then admitted, not seeming too embarrassed as he talked with her one on one, "I'm glad you guys get along."

"Yeah," she smiled, then glanced to him, "So any chance of you getting along with Ronaldo at any point?"

Lars groaned under his breath, "Jesus Fucking Christ, Sades," and ran a hand through his hair, "That's not a big ambition of mine."

"Well, he's friends with all your friends," she shrugged, "What's there to lose?"

"Possibly my mind?"

She swatted him gently, then sighed, "What if I told him he has to apologize to you for the movie night incident once you get back to town? Would that make things a little less awkward?"

"...He has to do it while tap dancing in the hole in the basement wall. And he has to sing it. And I film it."

"...Wow that's it?"

"Oh, can I also make him eat a whole box of stale donuts?"

"Lars, he does that on a regular basis."

"Nuts," he snorted, and leaned back on the swing, nudging Sadie's foot, "You had a good day today?"

"Yeah," she smiled, voice soft, "It was fun hanging out with you again like we used to."

"Mhm," he mumbled, and out of slight boredom, blew over the lip of his bottle, making noise.

"...when are you coming back?", Sadie decided to ask quietly, tone curious.

"Mm...dunno," he admitted, "I miss Beach City, but it took me a while to get used to staying here, so going back so soon would be super disorienting, y'know?"

"Yeah," she nodded, "That would be."

"I might stay here another month or two. Probably two, just because I'd have to prep myself with the big shift in getting back home," he mused, then smiled, "Besides, I wanna work on my farmer muscles," he flexed his arms, grinning playfully at her.

"What muscles?", she laughed, and gently poked his arms, "These noodles?"

"These are buff noodles," he boasted, "You saw me haul that pig today!"

"More like that pig was hauling  _you!_ "

"Well he's dead and I'm not, so I won, obviously."

Sadie sputtered, and shoved Lars with a laugh, and the swing almost fell off its hinges, making them both momentarily scream in surprise. They stiffened up in shock until the swing stopped violently rocking, and opted to leap off before it could fall and crash, and opted to sit on the porch floor to watch the sun finally disappear behind the far off fields, and turn the sky purple.

After a short silence, Lars glanced to Sadie, "So uh...back to Game Night for a sec, we totally did stuff, and I guess I was kind of a dick about the whole thing, because you totally were thinking of it differently than I did."

"You mean you thinking it was a fling, and me thinking it was because we were going to start dating or something?"

"Uh...yeah. That," he mumbled, "I shouldn't have been such a douche about that, and uh...sorry," he mumbled.

"Lars, it's really...it's old news now okay?", she smiled.

"Nah, hey look, if I'd known how you felt about it all, I wouldn't have done or said all that stupid 'P2' shit...I just though...y'know...you were cool with it."

"Yeah," she mumbled, "That was a mess."

Lars flopped onto his back, "The next time one of us bangs someone, we should have those ticket bracelets to wear that says what the strings attached are, relationships, benifriends, or just being smashed, and not remembering a fucking thing the next day."

Sadie snorted, sitting crosslegged, looking down at Lars, "Yeah, maybe. Or you just swear off alcohol with me because you're a lightweight."

"Am not."

"Are too."

"Am not."

"It was literally two shots of tequila."

"And the worm."

"You ate the- Lars that's disgusting!", Sadie squealed.

"I didn't know it was real!", he laughed.

"Well what did it taste like?"

"Tequila, bacon bits, and regret," he snickered, and sat up, "So...do you think stuff is cool with us now? Like...actually cool?"

Sadie sighed, taking in a breath, "I want to say yes, but we can't get our hopes up you know? We both have problems we can't just make go away..."

"Yeah," he sighed.

"But...", she smiled hopefully, "I think things are going to get better...you know...if we keep each other posted like this?"

"...Yeah," he smiled, repeating his response with a hopeful tone, and without warning pulled Sadie into a hug, making himself lean backwards.

The sudden arms around her body made Sadie lose balance off her seat, and she wiggled her arms, "Laaaars, what are you-"

"Gravity is pulling you down!", he announced, not letting go.

"Lars!", she yelped, and fell on top of him, and while he was snickering at her bewildered expression, she sat back up, and sighed, "My bus leaves tomorrow. You gonna be around to say goodbye?"

"Uh, yeah, duh," he grinned, and sat up, "Gotta give you peaches and stuff."

"Right," she smiled.

Until the sky had turned completely dark, the two stayed on the porch, her thumb running over his warm calloused hand.

* * *

_Dear Mrs. Cheng,_

_I never was able to meet you while you were still alive, but I learned about you through Lars. He loves and misses you very much still. He says he is sometimes still sad about you, but he is able to move forward._

_I still worry about him though. Even when he's going forward, he's not necessarily happy. He's dealing with a lot of problems, and a lot of them just can't be fixed. I've learned that much, and I've learned the best thing I can do is listen to him, and ask him when he needs help, and respect that sometimes I cannot help him._

_I care about Lars very much, and sometimes I get very frustrated with him. And sometimes I enable it. We've lost our tempers with each other, and have hurt each other greatly several times in the past. And every time we tried to make up, we didn't actually address our problems, we just tried to 'forgive and forget'. And we're both people who are just too forgiving. We just let everything build up until it was too much._

_It took us both a lot of time to realize what it was that we were doing to each other was wrong. And it took steps that one wouldn't expect would ever be taken in a friendship like ours._

_We had to take a break from each other for a while, and at the time, it seemed like it was a horrible thing, that our friendship was ruined forever. But it ended up working out better than I expected._

_With a break in our friendship, I was able to branch myself out and get to know other people, and make friends with others. I was able to feel good about myself without constantly fighting and worrying and feeling sorry for myself. And Lars was able to to remove himself from a stressful environment, and self reflect. It's definitely done him good._

_He's still away, and I still miss him, and I have a feeling he's going to be away longer than I could hope for. But it's all working for the better. I want to visit him again, and hope I get to see him again soon._

_Your son is one of my greatest friends in the world._

_Sincerely,_

_Sadie Miller_


End file.
